I haven’t been on here in ages. But my anxiety is at an all time high, I’m on new antidepressants and more xanax and I still feel like someone is sitting on my chest. I’m sad. I’m lonely. I don’t know what direction my life is going on but I am struggling everyday and everyday only gets worse. I don’t know why I’m writing this because the only followers I’ve kept on this website are due to the previous quantities of porn I’ve posted. I miss when I was sex positive and not so out of tune with who I am. I miss my friends. I miss having friends. I miss my family occasionally then remember that they never were worth a second of my time (besides Lynn when she feels maternal). I miss enjoying life.
i support girls anger. i support girls who yell. i support girls who get called bitches and cunts at parties because they’ll swear at guys who won’t leave them alone. i support girls who don’t believe in second chances and cut off people who hurt them. i support girls who say no the first time and flip you off if you ask them again. i support girls who will never allow themselves to be pushovers and constantly get shit for it. you’re fucking incredible.
I often think about hurting myself. The infusion of chemicals inside my brain push me to smash my head against the wall. I picture it; my skull fracturing like confetti as a celebration that I am no more. The fragments scattering across the floor, a mess of my distress because I make the biggest impact when I am delirious…and it’s never the one I want. Eyes discovering me, a twisted puzzle, and only realising the scope of the damage when my mental anguish becomes a physical attribute. When I don’t fit back together.
Oh god I often think about hurting myself. It’s better than letting you.
The male, for all his bravado and exploration, is the loyal one, the one who generally feels love. The female is skilled at betrayal and torture and damnation.
